Do not withhold Your tender mercies from me, O Lord; Let Your lovingkindness and Your truth continually preserve. me. For innumerable evils have surrounded me; My iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to look up;They are more than the hairs of my head; Therefore my heart fails me. Psalm 40:11-12. (Women of Faith Devotional Bible)
For the past few days I have started aching in my heart again for things I have done that I am not proud of. My head tells me that because I have pulled away from God and not done all of his will; and, my punishment is the bad things that are happening. Now, understand that this is my head talking, not my heart. My heart tells me that God has never left me, that he does not "punish. I have always dealt with my guilt by saying that God is punishing me. Reality, and age, have made me understand that this is not God doing this, but me living with the consequences of actions and decisions that I have made.
Thinking back I am sure that each of you has felt the same way at some point in your life too. We are each human. We find an excuse with living with ourselves when we have made a decision we are not proud of. But, we need to remind ourselves, God will not withhold his love, his mercy, his forgivness for we are each his children and we are forgiven.