Running

Can't think lately. Have lost track of a friend and I am afraid. I am so co-dependant on this person to make me feel worthy. I haven't been this long chatting with "friend". "Friend" told me that the only way that I would ever hear or get a message was if something bad happened. I hate my co-dependancy. This is setting off my PTSD. My stomach is churning, my hands are shaking, my mind is running. I keep praying but feel isolated. I want to go somewhere safe from the hurt and pain.

Step 1

This is my first post with a blog. A year ago I would have never considered the idea of sharing my most intimate feelings of Depression, Bi-polar, and PTSD. My hopes are that through my writings, I will continue to progress in my recovery and be able to share my newfound Ah-Ha moments.

I have been vacationing in the Outer Banks for the past two weeks and this is my last night to savor in the sound of the ocean and the vastness of the stars, remember the feeling of the sun on my face, the laughter at dinner with family and good friends. It will be these moments I now have to force myself to remember. The vacation has settled and grounded me until tonight. The sadness is overwhelming and the panic attacks are starting. My mind runs and I can't settle down to rest even though I am exhausted. I know it is time to go take my medicine; but once I do, I will go to sleep and I will leave this sancutary of mine for another year.